Anakin Skywalker

"What are midichlorians?"

- The words that would forever change Anakin's life, and the course of all of history

Anakin "ball is life" Skywalker, nicknamed Ani and Skyguy, later known as Darth "ball was life"Vader, was a Jedi Knight who served the Galactic Republic during the Clone Wars before he had scary dreams about his wife and then decided to join the Siths and killed all his fellow Jedis because Darth Sheevious told him to. Afterwards, he spent the next few decades serving the Galactic Empire as Darth Vader, before he decided to switch sides again and threw the emperor down a hole and then died, sending the Empire into a downward spiral that it never really recovered from until a knockoff version showed up 30 years later. After his death, he became a Force ghost and decided to start stalking random citizens of The Galaxy since he had nothing better to do, particularly his son-in-law, Han Solo.

Early life
At some point during his time as the apprentice of Darth Plagueis the Wise, Darth Sheevious decided to make the Force angry and bend the laws of the universe as much as possible by manipulating midichlorians. This eventually resulted in the creation of Anakin Skywalker, who was born in ALTA-41 to Shmi Skywalker on Tatooine, the slave of Gardulla the Hutt.

Gardulla lost the two to Watto after she lost a bet with him in ALTA-38. Anakin began working in Watto's Wares, and began rebuilding the protocol droid C-3PO out of various pieces of space garbage he found in the shop and around Mos Espa.

Discovery by the Jedis
In ALTA-32, Qui-Gon Jinn and Padme Amidala arrived in Mos Espa and met Anakin while looking for parts to repair their ship. After one conversation, Anakin decided that Padme was his new waifu. Qui-Gon sensed that Anakin was strong in the Force, and decided to train him as a Jedi in hopes that he would bring balance to the Force and fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One. Unfortunately, the slavery thing was still an issue, so Qui-Gon made a bet with Watto that Anakin would be freed if he could win the Boonta Eve Classic. Despite never having completed a podrace before, Anakin was able to win, mostly because everyone else exploded.

Now that Anakin was freed, Qui-Gon took him back to Croissant to show him off to the Jedi Book Club. However, Yoda disapproved of Anakin being trained as a Jedi, mostly because he didn't want to deal with training another youngling which would've meant he couldn't sit in chairs as much, and came up with several excuses as to why Anakin couldn't be trained. Qui-Gon decided all of Yoda's excuses were bad and he would train Anakin anyway.

Before Qui-Gon could begin Anakin's training, he had to return to Naboo with his Jedi intern Obi-Wan Kenobi to drop off Padme after they realized she was still with them this whole time. He brought Anakin along with them too, mostly because he was afraid that Yoda would make him do tons of chores if he left him at the Chair Emporium. Unfortunately, Naboo was busy being in the middle of invasion by the Trade Federation, who were salty that Padme wouldn't let them expand their franchise of fast food restaurants there because she was vegan.

During the invasion, Anakin "helped" recapture the Theed Royal Palace by walking behind the group and reciting lines from motivational posters that he had seen in Watto's shop. After entering the hangar bay, Qui-Gon told Anakin to hide inside an N-1 starfighter, but he decided that was boring, and decided to pull an Anakin by taking control of the ship and blowing up some clankers, even managing to blow up the Trade Federation's clanker control ship.

Qui-Gon was never able to train Anakin, as he was killed in a lightsaber duel with the Sith Lord Dennis Opress during the invasion, and used his dying wish to tell Obi-Wan to train Anakin. Despite Yoda's earlier reservations, he decided to allow Obi-Wan to train Anakin anyway because he was afraid Qui-Gon would return as a ghost and haunt the Chair Emporium if they didn't.

Jedi training
During his time as Obi-Wan's intern, Anakin began to appreciate Croissant in contrast to Tatooine, which he decided was garbage. He gained an affinity for Croissant's signature croissants, as well as pizza, which he began to take very seriously. He despised the idea of pineapple on pizza, and would often use the Force to knock slices of pineapple pizza out of people's hands. He also began having dreams about his waifu Padme almost every night for the next ten years, which he later decided would be a good idea to admit to her.

In ALTA-22, Anakin reunited with Padme after he and Obi-Wan were assigned to protect her by Supreme Chancellor Sheev Palpatine, following an incident where Padme almost got exploded. After Padme almost died several more times, the Jedi Book Club decided Anakin and Padme should take a vacation back to her homeworld of Naboo, since everyone on Croissant apparently hated her. Anakin basically considered the entire vacation a date, even though it wasn't. Anakin and Padme did lots of stuff like roll around in fields and get grass stains on their clothes, have dinner with her parents, and talk about sand.

Eventually, Anakin got so triggered by the scary dreams he had been having about his mom for the past month that he decided to pull an Anakin, and left Naboo to visit Tatooine for the first time in ten years. After tracking down Watto, Anakin went to the moisture farm of Cliegg Lars, where he found out that he had a new stepdad, and also that Shmi had been captured by sand people a month earlier. He managed to find her in a sand people village, but then she died and he killed all the sand people for revenge.

After returning to the Lars moisture farm and having a funeral for his mom, Anakin received a message from Obi-Wan that he accidentally discovered an epic party being held by Count/DJ Dooku on Geonosis while tracking down Padme's assassin and was inviting all the other Jedis. Anakin decided that a dance party would be a great distraction from the fact that his mom just died and he committed genocide on a small village and went to Geonosis, and brought Padme, C-3PO, and R2-D2 along. While he was dancing, Anakin accidentally got too into it and danced his way in front of another Jedi's lightsaber and got his hand chopped off. This hand also happened to be the hand he was holding his lightsaber in, which flew across the dance floor and got stepped on by a clanker, which broke it.

After the party, Anakin decided it would be a good idea to pull an Anakin and disobeyed THE SACRED TEXTS by secretly marrying Padme. That night, Anakin slipped in the bathtub and received a permanent scar over his right eye.

The Clone Wars
"I didn't order an intern!"

- Anakin Skywalker during the Battle of Cristophsis

Unfortunately, the Jedi Party was actually an attempt by the Count Dooku Fan Club to distract the Jedi Order from the fact that they had a massive clanker army and were about to go to war with the Republic. After a few weeks of the Clone Wars, Yoda decided to start handing out promotions like candy so more Jedis could fight on their own, and Anakin was one of them. Now that he was a Jedi Knight, Anakin also became the General of the 501st Legion. He also built a new lightsaber since all the Jedis were laughing at him ever since the Jedi Party for using a rental lightsaber.

During the Battle of Cristophsis, Ahsoka Tano arrived and informed Anakin that she was his new Jedi intern. Anakin told her that he didn't order an intern, but Yoda already spun the Jedi Wheel and assigned Ahsoka to him, so that was that and he was stuck with her now.

In ALTA-19, near the end of the Clone Wars, Sheev Palpatine was kidnapped by General Grievous, forcing Anakin and Obi-Wan to leave in the middle of the Siege of Mauldalore and rescue him. After finding Sheev on the Invisible Hand, Anakin and Obi-Wan encountered Count Dooku and engaged him in a lightsaber duel. While Obi-Wan was busy being unconscious, Anakin managed to slice off both of Dooku's hands. With Dooku at his mercy, Anakin hesitated to kill him because THE SACRED TEXTS said it would be bad, but Sheev told him to do it so he did. While trying to escape the Invisible Hand, they encountered Grievous, who wanted their lightsabers to be a fine addition to his collection, but R2-D2 threw him into space. The Invisible Hand began falling to pieces, though Anakin managed to crash land the front half of it onto Croissant, wiping out a ton of stuff on the way.

After returning from the mission, Padme told Anakin that she was pregnant, which immediately caused Anakin to start having scary dreams where she died. He decided to visit Yoda, who basically just told him to deal with it. Not long after, Sheev decided to appoint Anakin to the Jedi Book Club, and gave him a copy of his book Everything I Say Is Right to celebrate the occasion. The Jedis were kind of mad because he wasn't supposed to be allowed to do that, but they went with it anyway because he was the Supreme Chancellor and they were afraid he might cut some of their funding, which would mean they would have to sell some of their chairs. Because of this, they refused to promote Anakin to Jedi Master even though he was in the Book Club, which Anakin thought was outrageous and unfair.

Joining the Siths
To take his mind off of things, Anakin decided to go hang out with his good friend Sheev, who gave him a sneak peek of his upcoming magnum opus, The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise. Anakin loved the sneak peek so much that he decided to tell Mace Windu about it later, forgetting that it was a story the Jedis didn't want told. In an attempt to prevent The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise from being published, Mace attempted to commit treason and kill Sheev. Anakin dropped by at the last minute because he wanted to invite Sheev to dinner with him and Padme later, and saved his life by cutting off Mace's lightsaber hand.

Now that Anakin basically murdered a Jedi Master, Sheev asked Anakin if he wanted to be his Sith apprentice, and promised to throw in a free copy of The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise after it was published as an incentive. Naturally, Anakin said yes, and now that Sheev had an excuse to wipe out the Jedi Order, helped with the Great Jedi Yettus Deleteus Sheev also gave him a new Sith name, Darth Vader, so they would have more combat synergy. After getting rid of all the Jedis who were hanging out at the Chair Emporium, Anakin was sent to Mustafar by Sheev to clean up the remnants of the Count Dooku Fan Club.

Killing all those people made him kind of hungry, so he decided to have a pizza delivered to Mustafar. After the pizza came, Obi-Wan arrived to attempt to get Anakin to come back to the Jedi Order, or at least what was left of it, but then accidentally ate Anakin's piece of pizza, inciting a dance fight between the two. After Obi-Wan managed to gain the high ground, Anakin got all his limbs chopped off, his lightsaber stolen by Obi-Wan, and was left to cook next to a lava river because mercy killing him wasn't allowed according to THE SACRED TEXTS.

Luckily, after hours of suffering and almost burning to death, Sheev arrived and gave Anakin a costume with life-support systems and many other interesting features, complete with brand new cybernetic limbs to replace the ones Obi-Wan cut off. After awakening, Vader asked where Padme was, only to be told by Sheev that Vader himself killed her, causing him to yell "nooo" for several minutes.

Age of the Empire
After the Empire was established, Vader was sent out to get a new lightsaber by Sheev so he could slice everyone who opposed him in half. Vader eventually managed to find a Jedi who had survived the Great Jedi Deletion named Kirak Infil'a, defeated him in battle, and stole his lightsaber. Unfortunately, the lightsaber had a green blade, and Siths could only use red-bladed lightsabers according to the Rule of Red, so Vader had to go to the store and buy a new red light bulb for it.

After returning from the store with his new red light bulb, Vader was invited to dinner by Sheev at the Chair Emporium, which had been converted into Sheev's house following the Great Jedi Deletion. When he arrived, he saw El Gran Inquisidor, and since they had never seen each other before, naturally their first instinct was to have a lightsaber duel. Vader almost managed to kill him before Sheev arrived and yelled at them for knocking the silverware he had washed just for this occasion on the floor and breaking two of his nice plates. After introducing them to each other, Sheev informed Vader that he was now in charge of the Spanish Inquisition because he was tired of babysitting them. Sheev cancelled the dinner because of the fight and took them out for fast food instead, and charged it to Vader's credit card.

After their fast food dinner, Vader and El Inquisidor went to Sheev's basement to train the rest of the Spanish Inquisition. Vader decided they were all pretty bad and were being held back by their Jedi training, so he started cutting off their limbs to remind them how bad they were at being Inquisitors.

A year into the Empire's reign, Vader decided that Kirak Infil'a's lightsaber was ugly, so he decided to take the lightsaber battery out and built a new one.

War on Terrorism
In ALTA-3, Vader arrived on Malachor to retrieve a Sith holocron from Dennis Opress after three members of the Spanish Inquisition he had sent to do the job failed miserably and died. Before he was able to acquire the holocron, he was confronted by his former Jedi intern, Ahsoka Tano, and the two had a lightsaber duel. As the Sith temple they were fighting on began to collapse, Vader almost killed Ahsoka before a disembodied hand appeared out of thin air and pulled her out of reality right in front of Vader's eyes. Although he managed to escape, he was really freaked out by the experience and spent the next few years having an existential crisis. As a result, he ignored the existence of the surviving Jedis Kanan Jarrus and Ezra Bridger, and Sheev was forced to send Grand Admiral Thrawn to take care of them now that the entire Spanish Inquisition was dead.

On a regular day in ALTA-0, Vader was chilling in his castle on Mustafar when Director Orson Krennic arrived to whine about Imperial politics. Vader didn't really care and was annoyed that Krennic came all that way just to bother him, so he choked him to make sure he wouldn't do it again and told him to go away.

Shortly after, the plans for the Death Star were stolen from Scarif by the Rebel Alliance and everyone else was doing a lousy job of stopping them, so Vader boarded the Profundity and sliced through some terrorists on his way to retrieve the plans. However, Vader ended up underestimating them and started having too much fun with his lightsaber and forgot what he was doing, so the terrorists escaped with the plans aboard the Tantive4. The Empire was easily able to catch up with them though, because Leia Oregano was having trouble with her GPS which caused them to fly very inefficiently. After everyone else on board died, Vader arrested Leia and brought her back to the Death Star they were unable to find the plans.

After Leia was arrested, a small group of terrorists which included Vader's former master Obi-Wan infiltrated the Death Star. Vader and Obi-Wan decided to have a final dance fight to settle things between them once and for all, but they were both old and pretty bad at dancing by this point, a fact which Vader noted, mostly criticizing Obi-Wan's bad moves. Obi-Wan decided to sudoku to buy the others time to escape, and then got turned into laundry, causing Vader to have another existential crisis. He wasn't able to ponder it very long though, because the Rebels returned to blow up the Death Star and Vader went out to stop them because he wasn't confident in the abilities of the TIE fighter pilots to hit anything. After shooting down most of the terrorists, he was sent spiraling into space by the Aluminum Falcon and spun around for the next few weeks trying to get a signal to be able to call Sheev.

Shortly after the Death Star Massacre, Vader somehow realized that blonde kid who blew up the Death Star and killed two million innocent Imperial citizens was actually his long lost son that he never met, and began trying to reunite his family and save his son from the extreme views of the Rebel Alliance.

In ALTA+3, the Empire was holding a Christmas parade on Hoth (which was originally supposed to be a Life Day parade before Sheev changed it at the last minute), and Vader was sent to supervise from orbit in case of terrorists. Of course, the terrorists showed up because no fun was allowed, but most of them chickened out before Vader showed up. After seeing the Aluminum Falcon fleeing from Hoth, Vader remembered that Luke liked to hang out with those guys, and hired a group of bounty hunters to track them down.

Boba Fett was able to track them on their way to Cloud City, so Vader arrived there ahead of them and made a deal with Baron Administrator Lando Calrissian, which he kept altering and telling him to pray it wouldn't be altered any further. In the meantime, he began preparing a nice dinner for Luke and his friends. Unfortunately, Han Solo decided to be rude and shot Vader the moment he saw him, and then it turned out Luke wasn't even with them because he was busy doing some Jedi training with Yoda on Dagobah. Vader decided to make the most of the situation anyway, because if he could convince Luke's friends that the Rebels were bad, it would be easier to get Luke to leave them. Unfortunately, everything Vader tried accidentally made the situation worse, and by the time Luke finally showed up, Han was a carbonite paperweight and the others were really ticked off at Vader. This made Luke mad too, so he ran away before accidentally falling on his lightsaber and cutting off his own hand. Vader revealed that he was Luke's father and tried to get him to leave the Rebels and join him, but Luke decided he would rather fall down a bottomless pit, so he did.

In ALTA+4, Vader was sent to oversee the construction of the Death Star 2 because Sheev was getting annoyed with how long it was taking, since he just wanted to blow up some terrorists with it already. When the Rebels arrived on Endor: The Moon to prepare to blow it up, thinking it was a new Laser Moon, Vader sensed Luke with the Force and went to Endor: The Moon to talk with him. After having some awkward conversation about things like the weather and podracing, Vader brought Luke to the Death Star 2 to talk about more meaningful things, and maybe even have Sheev talk some sense into him. Sheev gave Luke a copy of Everything I Say Is Right and then Vader and Luke stood around while Sheev started quoting his own book and talked for a long time. Eventually Luke got tired of listening to Sheev talk and attacked him with his lightsaber, but Vader stopped him since he wanted Luke to kill Sheev, but he wanted him to do it as his Sith apprentice, not as a terrorist. The two began fighting, and Vader accidentally read Luke's thoughts and found out that Leia was his daughter. After wondering aloud if she would make a better Sith, Luke almost killed Vader, before he stopped and decided he wouldn't do that because he was a Jedi and THE SACRED TEXTS (which he never actually read) probably wouldn't approve. This made Sheev salty, so he decided to just kill Luke with his Force lightning, but Vader stopped him because he was ruining his family reunion attempt and threw him down a giant hole. Unfortunately, the lightning damaged Vader's pants and he died.

Return as a ghost
After his death, Anakin was able to return as a Force ghost, and since he was Light Side again, everything he did as Darth Vader got reverted for his ghost form, including the barbecue accident so he got most of his limbs back and wasn't bald and ugly anymore.

Unfortunately, there wasn't really much to do in The Galaxy as a ghost, so Anakin decided to start stalking random people in The Galaxy. In particular, Anakin enjoyed messing with his son-in-law, Han Solo, by knocking stuff off of shelves and briefly appearing behind him in the mirror while he shaved, which would later cause Han to grow a beard for a while so he wouldn't have to shave anymore.

Legacy
Early in the Empire's reign, Sheev decided to acquire more Empire Bucks by selling Galactic Empire merchandise. This naturally included lots of merchandise of Darth Vader, particularly action figures and other toys, but also included clothes, mugs, kitchen supplies, and other household items. After the Empire fell, Vader merchandise in particular became extra sought after by collectors.

Vader was also idolized by his grandson Ben Solo, who decided to fulfill his grandfather's legacy by turning to the Dark Side, destroying the Jedi Order 2, and leading the First Order, a knockoff of the Empire.

Family

 * Ben Solo - Grandson
 * Cliegg Lars - Stepfather
 * Han Solo - Son-in-law
 * Leia Oregano - Daughter
 * Luke Skywalker - Son
 * Owen Lars - Stepbrother
 * Padme Amidala - Wife
 * Rey Deltarune - Niece
 * Sans Deltarune - Brother-in-law
 * Shmi Skywalker Lars - Mother
 * Sheev Palpatine - Father, former master, and victim
 * Sheev Palpatine Jr. - Sister
 * Snoke Palpatine - Brother

Allies

 * 501st Legion
 * Echo
 * Fives
 * Rex
 * Jedi Order
 * Obi-Wan Kenobi - Former master
 * Yoda
 * C-3PO - Droid
 * R2-D2 - Droid

Enemies

 * Count Dooku Fan Club
 * Dooku - Victim
 * Nute Gunray - Victim
 * Poggle the Lesser - Victim
 * Trench - Victim
 * Wat Tambor - Victim
 * Barriss Offee
 * Orson Krennic - Annoyance
 * Philip Motti - Punching bag
 * Watto - Former owner